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Sapremo stupirvi ed accontentarvi!
Oggi lasciamo da parte le problematiche legate a desiderio ed eccitazione maschili (uomini non vi arrabbiate!), per concentrarci su quelle femminili; daremo alle prime più spazio nelle prossime puntate.
Torniamo sul primo punto della classificazione delle disfunzioni sessuali del DSM V (citata nello scorso articolo, ‘Le disfunzioni del pavimento pelvico’): Disturbo dell'interesse sessuale/eccitazione femminile.
Ma desiderio ed eccitazione sono la stessa cosa?
La risposta è no: la libido, o desiderio (termine utilizzato anche in ambito filosofico) è uno stato psicocorporeo, che spinge al bisogno di vivere la sessualità; l’eccitazione è un’emozione successiva al desiderio, maggiormente sviluppata a livello corporeo, che può avvenire spontaneamente in seguito al desiderio nei confronti di un partner o come risposta alle stimolazioni da parte del/della partner. L’assenza di desiderio non preclude l’eccitazione, soprattutto se questa avviene come risposta alla stimolazione.
Che ruolo hanno le disfunzioni del pavimento pelvico nel desiderio e nell’eccitazione?
Le donne con problematiche del pavimento pelvico, come incontinenza (urinaria e fecale), prolasso degli organi pelvici, e dispareunia/vaginismo, hanno una maggiore prevalenza di disfunzione sessuale; questa è legata sia a fattori fisici che a fattori psico-emotivi.
Un pavimento pelvico ipotonico, debole, ha come risultato ridotte sensazioni durante i rapporti, così come ridotto piacere. Le patologie presenti in caso di underactive (=ipoattività) sono ad esempio il prolasso degli organi pelvici, o l’incontinenza da sforzo. Viceversa, un pavimento pelvico ipertonico, eccessivamente contratto, può avere come conseguenza dolore e fastidio durante i rapporti. Le problematiche presenti in caso di overactive (=iperattività) sono ad esempio la dispareunia, bruciore e difficoltà nella penetrazione, o la stipsi.
Non è difficile trovare una correlazione tra fattori fisici e calo della libido ed eccitazione: in presenza di dolore durante i rapporti, o di ridotta o assente sensazione di piacere, provare desiderio non avviene più così facilmente.
Non sono tuttavia sufficienti i fattori fisici a spiegare il calo di desiderio ed eccitazione; queste infatti sono risposte psicocorporee complesse, che non possono trascendere una valutazione anche della sfera emotiva.
È importante considerare aspetti quali il rapporto con il/la partner, se anch’esso presenta disfunzioni sessuali, l’età, la menopausa, e il calo fisiologico di estrogeni derivante, cambia il rapporto sessuale e il modo di vivere lo stesso. Uno studio del 2016, che esamina un campione di 755 donne (Li-Yun-Fong et. al, ‘Is Pelvic Floor Dysfunction an Indipendent Threat to Sexual Function?’) dimostra che non è tanto la presenza di patologie del pavimento pelvico ad avere come conseguenza la disfunzione sessuale, ma piuttosto la presenza di sintomi associati.
Per fare un esempio: l’incontinenza urinaria non preclude di per sé l’attività sessuale; sintomi ad essa associati però sì, poiché la perdita di urina può avvenire anche durante il rapporto , gravando sulla psiche e sulla serenità della donna, che non è più in grado di vivere il rapporto serenamente.
Se qualcuno dei sintomi sopra descritti ti suona familiare, rivolgiti ad uno specialista!
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Articolo di
Miriam Balduzzi è una fisioterapista che si occupa di riabilitazione del pavimento pelvico, attiva in Valle Camonica e Val Seriana.
Si laurea in Fisioterapia nel 2018, con una tesi dal titolo 'What is "Conventional Therapy"? A 10-years Review on Physical Rehabilitation in Multiple Sclerosis' (che viene usata come poster nel convegno della Society of Neuroscience del 2019 a Chicago). Inizia la sua carriera lavorativa nell'ambito della riabilitazione neurologica, per poi specializzarsi tramite corsi di formazione specifici nella riabilitazione del pavimento pelvico.
Si occupa della presa in carico di problematiche della zona genito-urinaria-anale, presenti sia nell'uomo che nella donna.
Prima di provare con gli afrodisiaci come ostriche e così via...provate con l'acqua!
L'idratazione è infatti strettamente correlata alla qualità della nostra attività tra le lenzuola.
Ma quanta ne dobbiamo bere?
Teoricamente dovremmo bere più di 2 litri di acqua al giorno per assicurarci il corretto funzionamento del corpo ma, se volete avere l'assoluta certezza, provate a bere di più tra le 12 e le 24 ore prima in modo da assicurarvi che l'idratazione sia massima in ogni cellula.
Potrete valutare comunque se state bevendo abbastanza guardando il colore delle vostre urine: se sono scure...meglio bere di più!
Ma quali sono le ragioni di un aumentata probabilità di avere un orgasmo collegate all'idratazione?
In realtà è molto semplice.
✨ Più lubrificazione ✨
Una maggiore idratazione permette infatti una miglior lubrificazione: sia della pelle che...lì sotto!
Essere disidratate porta a una maggior disidratazione e a una maggior secchezza vaginale che non solo renderà il rapporto meno appagante, ma che può addirittura renderlo doloroso.
✨ Orgasmi più facili ✨
Quando sei più idratata non sei solo più lubrificata, ma hai anche un maggiore apporto di sangue nelle parti in cui è necessario.
Inutile dire che questo porti a orgasmi migliori, più facili e più duraturi.
✨ Aumenta la tua energia ✨
Troppa stanchezza? Prova ad aumentare l'apporto di H2O come trucco.
L'acqua facilita tutti gli aspetti della vita, ma soprattutto permette la rigenerazione dei tessuti lasciandoti abbastanza energia da dedicare alla tua vita sessuale.
✨ Pulisce il tuo organismo ✨
L'acqua ci aiuta a pulire il nostro organismo dalle tossine e dalle impurità.
Quando non bevi abbastanza si accumulano nell'organismo diminuendo la tua voglia di fare sesso e peggiorando in generale la qualità della tua vita.
✨ Limita la fatica ✨
Fare sesso fa bruciare lo stesso numero di calorie di una corsa da 1.5km.
Per questo bisogna essere ben idratati.
In sostanza: bevete!
Bere aiuta l'orgasmo, migliora la qualità della pelle e fa migliorare la tua vita sessuale!
Photo: Alithia Maltese & Usagi Momo (photo by Vazkor)
Tying up your partner is one of the most popular erotic fantasies and many people have dreamed of doing it. Someone even tried it. But how many know how to name this business?
Bondage is the practice of limiting or temporarily preventing a person's ability to move and / or their sensory capacity.
It is important to underline, for the layman, that at the basis of everything there is consensus.
Why are so many people interested in this practice? What attracts them?
Why is bondage attractive to us?
The aesthetics, the sense of constraint, the relationship that is created between those who bind and those who are bound, the deep intimacy and mutual trust that develops, the idea of being at the mercy of the other person, the endorphins that are released by intense sensations that you feel, the possibility of letting yourself go completely in the arms of someone for whom you feel desire, taking care of those you love, exploring the eroticism and pleasure of yourself and others, sharing an experience that is unique each time and different, a journey to take together.
These are the ingredients that attract most of the people.
Photo: Alithia Maltese with Hecate Ropes (photo by Marina Zaia)
What tools can we use?
Bondage can be done with very different tools: chains, handcuffs, straitjackets, wristbands, anklets, are just some of the tools used.
Regarding the limitation of sensory perception, eye patches, hoods, headphones, gloves can be used, just to give an idea.
Then there is a particular type of bondage to which it is appropriate to dedicate a separate paragraph: rope bondage, or bondage made with ropes.
By its very nature, the rope is an extremely versatile object that allows us to create bindings that adapt to the body of the tied person.
Unlike wristbands and anklets, using the ropes we can also control the intensity of the interaction, so we can also decide what kind of atmosphere we want to create during the tying.
The rope is therefore a means that can more easily adapt to our needs according to the situation in which we find ourselves.
Western bondage vs. kinbaku
We can make a macro distinction between western bondage (western style) and Japanese bondage (oriental style, also called shibari or kinbaku).
The erotic ligature as we know it today is not as ancient as most believe but it developed in the twentieth century in the United States of America and Japan.
In a first phase by comparing the images of the two styles it was possible to notice common traits and mutual influences. Just compare these slurs by John Willie and Minomura Kou. Over time, the distinctions have become more evident.
For example, Japanese bondage prefers asymmetry and highlights the shapes of the tied person, western bondage creates symmetrical figures.
Nel kinbaku la corda basta a se stessa. It can be used to get positions in which the tied person is exposed, making them feel ashamed, which for some people is very exciting, or with ligatures you get positions so demanding that it is not necessary to use other accessories to test. the tied person.
In western bondage often the rope is used to immobilize the person and then add other tools for the purpose of the session.
Where can we start to approach bondage?
First of all you have to focus on your desires.
What kind of bondage would we like to practice?
What aesthetic do we prefer: handcuffs and chains, bondage tape or ropes?
Are we interested in immobilizing our partner in a simple and fast way or do we prefer to dedicate ourselves to the moment of binding?
In the first case it is quite simple: just look for the objects that most attract us in the sex shops. There are many, of different materials and colors, the only criterion of choice, in addition to the quality of the product, is our imagination.
As for rope bondage, however, the situation is a bit more complicated. When you decide to take the ropes in hand, attending a course is the wisest choice.
Thanks to the guidance of a teacher we will learn how to limit the risks of this practice.
Participating in the courses and events of your local community will allow students to understand the concepts underlying this discipline, observing other people during practice will allow them to develop their own aesthetic taste, having a reference teacher will allow us to be able to compare ourselves with a person more experienced than us to understand if we are doing something wrong or if we are doing well.
Furthermore, approaching this discipline with your partner will create a new harmony and a new way of feeling and communicating with the other person, favoring the discovery of a new and deeper intimacy.
Important!
Whatever type of bondage we are interested in, we must always keep in mind that any erotic practice must be based on respect for the person with whom we are practicing, a deep desire to listen to each other and the consent of all the parties involved.
That said the last thing we have to do is start having fun!
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Article by Alithia Maltese
For those who want to attend sessions every last Friday of the month there is the Wish and Punishment party, in which I am a resident rigger, so it is possible to see me tied up, usually with my partner.
Private lessons with me are by appointment, so they don't have fixed dates, while the courses and other activities I organize in relation to bondage are always held on weekends.
In Turin we have a very busy schedule! To stay up to date or to find out which events are closest to the readers' cities, just contact me privately on Instagram or by email: alithiamaltese@gmail.com.
Thank you Alithia!
If you want to follow her on social networks, you can find her on instagram by name @alithiamaltese!
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Article of
Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".
She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.
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Raise your hand if you have NEVER felt excessive concern before a sports competition, a school exam, a job interview or a performance in front of an audience.
Well yes ... performance anxiety, as well as in school, sports and work, can also commonly occur in the relational context, before or during sexual intercourse.
Having to perform often takes on a strong meaning.
We create expectations and we want to achieve "success" at all costs.
A sort of "exam to pass with flying colors" ... but is this really the case, or are we asking too much of ourselves?
Why does this happen? What are the main causes?
In the sexual sphere, this phenomenon affects men and women who attach a very strong importance to performance.
Am I giving pleasure?
Will I be hitting the right spots?
Will I be up to the situation and the person I'm with?
It is anticipatory anxiety because it precedes sexual intercourse.
Thoughts pass from a mental state to a somatic (physical) state, preventing a peaceful relationship. In this case it is a question of a dysfunctional activation, an excessive reaction, which produces negative responses on the body risking to turn into real situations of discomfort.
It usually happens for different reasons and in particular moments that we can summarize as follows:
1. When you are too young or lacking experience, where the goal is to demonstrate virility and skill
2. When approaching a new partner whose judgment we fear and we are not sure we like it if we want to make a good impression of us through the performance
3. When you have a very competitive personality and having sexual intercourse is equivalent to a "race" or a goal that can only be reached with excellent performance
4. When you have a insecure personality and the partner is identified as a "dominant" figure (perception of the "virago" woman in the relationship)
5. When we come from a very strict sexual education, families in which it is forbidden to talk about it, taboos deriving from a closed or very religious surrounding environment that triggers feelings of guilt towards the extramarital or premarital act
6. When we do a excessive use of pornography without considering the amplified cinematic aspect, often very different from reality
7. When we give too much importance to existential aspects (it is. penis size) often caused by bad information
8. When we do a unregulated life, we sleep little, abuse coffee, alcohol or use drugs
9. When, with theadvancing in age, we do not take into consideration the different way in which our body reacts to stimuli, the change in the stable couple that "settles down" to everyday life, the presence of children who absorb energy, space and time, society and work that demand maximum affirmation or in any case make the most of it. It seems that 40-year-olds are, for these reasons, the most subject to performance anxiety.
What happens? What does it feel like?
Remember that mind and body they talk to each other!
Going from a game situation to a dangerous situation is a matter of seconds.
Anxiety, in fact, sends real signals to our brain, which has the task of facing it (exactly as happens for dangerous situations in which fear is unleashed).
What happens in man? The brain releases substances, hormones and neurotransmitters such as adrenaline, capable of obstructing the flow of the corpora cavernosa, causing vasoconstriction and preventing the maintenance of an erection.
The feelings that accompany performance anxiety include a sense of shame with the partner, demoralization and discomfort, a sense of inadequacy and inability, sometimes anger and frustration.
What are the risks if the situation is not addressed?
The number one danger is the "vicious circle" in which anxiety recurs more and more frequently, until it becomes chronic in an involuntary mechanism that causes a radical change in sexual and couple life.
Whenever an episode related to performance anxiety occurs, it reconfirms to the brain that "maybe something is not working as it should or as I would like" by continuing to give negative signals in any similar situation ... then being remembered and transformed into fear!
Fear of this happening again.
Fear of losing control.
Fear of not being up to the situation anymore.
Remember what happens when anxiety turns to fear?
The brain asks the body to flee and subsequently to avoid the same situations.
The life of a couple risks putting oneself in danger, avoiding facing the situation, setting aside requests, looking for each other, looking for plausible excuses, from the classic headache and fatigue, to believing that you do not have the necessary time for the couple.
And remember that avoidance leads to a decrease in desire over time!
Dos and Don'ts!
1. Avoid trying to keep control of the situation at any cost, the more you seek control the more you lose focus on the rest
2. Avoid listening to every slightest change in your body during intercourse, risking losing sight of the person you are with and their pleasure
3. Avoid listening to any slightest change in the other's body during intercourse, risking losing sight of yourself and your pleasure
4. It is essential to find that balance as a couple that allows you to dedicate yourself both to yourself and to the other, with words, thoughts and distractions. The balance between my pleasure and yours!
5. Avoid asking for help from inappropriate sites in the belief that "if they talk about sex then they can help me"
6. Avoid listening to the "bar chat" of your friends or colleagues, we often tend to show off our skills to be accepted by the peer group rather than dealing with difficult moments. Instead, try to open up to someone who is trustworthy and sincere, ready to listen to you and not judge you.
7. Avoid self-diagnosis and with do-it-yourself treatments, apparently useful drugs and pills, they can be dangerous if not accompanied by detailed visits. Don't you think it's better to go back to the cause than to find a temporary solution?
8. Do not run away from situations, even when you are fully convinced of the certainty of a failure ... the certainty does not exist ... rely on the possibility of living it differently from the previous time!
9. Avoid spending too much time: time does not always "heal wounds" !!!
10. If you can, expose yourself! Talk to the person involved in your intimacy and find a way to communicate the tension! It helps relieve the tension itself and also makes the relationship more open and ready for any eventuality. Talking to your partner doesn't make you less manly!
Last but not least ... ask for help from psycho-sexologists who can evaluate your anxiety from both a physical and psychological point of view. It is important, right away, to evaluate and exclude any dysfunctions (erectile dysfunction, dyspareunia, problems related to libido and desire, vaginismus, etc.) perhaps involving other professionals (andrologist, urologist).
So why a psycho-sexologist?
Because in most cases it is only anxiety, and the problem can be solved with psychological tools, a good sex education, knowledge of the mechanisms and how we work, without necessarily a pharmacological support.
If, reading this article, you feel the need to ask questions or investigate a situation, you can contact me by e-mail at this address: montagnini.maura@live.it
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Article of
Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".
She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.
It is involved in many functions: urinary, anorectal, biomechanics, etc .; in this blog we will deal with better explaining the sexual function, in a scientific way but without (I hope!) to bore.
'Sex is a natural function'
W. Masters
To better understand the link between sexual function and the pelvic floor we need to take a step back, and understand how they are arranged and what role the muscles mainly involved during sexual intercourse play: the levator ani and the double pair of bulbocavernosus and ischiocavernosis.
The levator ani makes up the deepest layer of the pelvic floor, it is made up of several branches and in women it is crossed by the urethra and vaginal canal (while in men only by the urethra).
The bulbo-cavernous and ischio-cavernous muscles form the most superficial layer of the pelvic floor; in women they are functionally connected to the clitoris, in men they are located at the base of the penis.
Now that we have a general idea of their position, let's try to understand what role they play during the sexual act:
In the female pelvis, the muscles crossed by the vaginal canal must be able to relax adequately to allow penetration, and stretch to easily accommodate the penis (or any instrument or object used for penetration).
During sex, their muscle tone progressively increases until orgasm, in which the characteristic rhythmic contractions take place.
The bulbo-cavernous and ischio-cavernous muscles are connected to the female erectile tissue; they position the head of the clitoris and they too contract rhythmically during orgasm.
The erection occurs thanks to a cascade of hormonal and vascular events; the muscles at the base of the penis (bulbo-cavernous and ischio-cavernous) with their contraction help to maintain an erection by increasing the intracavernous pressure. At the moment of expulsion they are then fundamental: their contraction is part of the ejaculation event, pushing the seminal fluid outwards.
We have understood the involvement of the pelvic floor muscles: this will give us the opportunity to understand how the dysfunctions involving the pelvic floor impact sexuality, and consequently the quality of life.
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Article of
Miriam Balduzzi is a physiotherapist who deals with pelvic floor rehabilitation, active in Valle Camonica and Val Seriana.
He graduated in Physiotherapy in 2018, with a thesis entitled 'What is "Conventional Therapy"? A 10-years Review on Physical Rehabilitation in Multiple Sclerosis' (which is used as a poster at the 2019 Society of Neuroscience conference in Chicago). He began his career in neurological rehabilitation, and then specialized through specific training courses in pelvic floor rehabilitation.
It deals with the management of problems of the genitourinary-anal area, present in both men and women.
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The young Ti Chang, a jewelry designer, has created a fantastic brand of erotic jewelry. Small devices to wear and ... to use!
Sex Toys, but disguised as necklaces and rings.
It is the "sex jewelry" created by Ti Chang! An industrial designer who has revisited the jewels we use every day by integrating the typical features of sex toys.
This is how we have real vibrating rings, necklaces suitable for the most diverse stimulations and handcuffs disguised as bracelets!
For some time now, sex toys have no longer been objects to be kept relegated to the bedside drawer, but real design masterpieces.
Ti Chang took the next step making them aesthetically suitable to even be worn as jewels with his Crave brand that offers real "sex jewels".
But what is sex jewelry?
We talk about sex jewelry when we have "wearable" products, therefore designed to be worn, easy to use and carry with you.
A wearable could be an apple watch or a fitbit, for example.
It is a provocation and a symbol of empowerment.
A real celebration of sexual well-being.
Think that the first idea of erotic jewelry came to Betony Vernon in the early nineties with her Paradise Found brand.
However, the products on offer were haute couture and not available to the general public.
With Crave, Ti Chang has marketed Vesper, the necklace that turns into a vibrator when needed.
An iconic product that has entered the mainstream market and popular culture by force.
By now sex toys are no longer the prerogative of only narrow shops, but are normally also found in large chains and perfumeries, also demonstrating a greater openness to the general public for a serene and conscious use.
It is no coincidence that Crave collaborated with Yves Saint Laurant and that, recently, he also collaborated with Gucci for his Love Parades, enriching the shows with erotic jewels.
We all know Diesel and his people celebri jeans.
We all remember the legendary "Be Stupid" campaign.
Diesel continues to amaze with a partnership in the name of sensuality.
Diesel has in fact entered the sex toys market with a strategic partnership with Lelo: Stockholm-based player specializing in luxury adult items with which Diesel has created a co-branded capsule of devices aimed at sexual well-being.
The Otb brand has created a limited edition collection that aims to "open wide the doors of sexual liberation", as explained on the website of Lelo.
"We believe - explains Lelo - that sexuality is the recipe for a successful life: a key to our state of well-being. And our mission is to ignite a spark and turn your everyday into something special. Find out what excites you with these must-have accessories that will paint your world a rebellious and sensual red. "
Even Diesel had already dealt, albeit indirectly, with sexuality.
A theme repeatedly addressed by the brand that has already played with the subject and made sexual allusion a distinctive feature of its advertising campaigns, as in the case of spring 2021 in which eight couples were photographed by Cheryl Dunn.
The "When Together" line set out to show a series of couples of different origins, sexual orientations and ages celebrating their love (strictly dressed in denim jeans) after being deprived of their physical connection due to the pandemic.
The collection of Diesel and Lelo sex toys includes the clitoral massager Sona Cruise and the couples ring Tor 2.
Both made in Diesel's triple scarlet shade.
On the first, for sale at 120 €, there is the message "All I need is a charge".
The second, however, has the phrase "Turn me on" and is available at a cost of 150 €.
Making a further nod to Diesel's irreverent approach to communication, the brand has created a new version of its slogan "For sex-ful living", which is written on the packaging.
This Diesel branded sex toy project is also added to a very successful rebranding project under the visionary guidance of the creative director Glenn Martens who has rebuilt the lost success looking to the future with community building strategies in Web 3.0.
The brand has also recently launched the line D:VERSE, that is a series of unique and limited editions in NFT of the iconic pieces of the show, as well as garments, sneakers and physical accessories, as well as a platform through which NFT DIESEL holders will be able to meet through a private Discord channel, access lottery discounts , free launches, more wearables in the Metaverso and news regarding the new games and projects that DIESEL will continue to build for its community.
What Lelo is doing for the sexual wellness industry, Diesel has done for the fashion industry, and together they are boldly claiming that fashion and sex go hand in hand.
«Our partnership with Diesel is the perfect union between fashion and sex-tech and highlights that sexual well-being is an integral part of our daily life. Just like a pair of jeans ", conclude Luka Matutinović.
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In short: Diesel, sex toys and Metaverse.
What more could we ask for?
Today we have a chat with Alithia Maltese: kinbaku teacher and educator of alternative sexuality.
Bondage is one of the most widespread erotic fantasies, it is the practice in which the possibility of movement of a person and / or his sensory capacity is limited or temporarily prevented.
Kinbaku, also called shibari, is a form of rope bondage, therefore bondage made with ropes, and was born in the last century in Japan.
The rope adapts easily to any situation, regardless of the type of game. In addition to immobilizing and creating a sense of constriction, the rope can be used to adapt to the body of the tied person, follow their shapes, enhance them, which is rarely possible with tools such as wrist bands and anklets.
The goal of those who practice kinbaku is to share a unique experience with the partner each time, to find a way to communicate with the ropes, procure and take pleasure through constriction, with positions and ligatures that cause very intense sensations in the person who is tied. .
> How was this passion born?
As a child I loved to tie things up. I used what must have been a jump rope: chairs, tables, bottles, nothing could stay in its place. I built forts, tents, castles. Upon reaching sexual maturity, I began fantasizing about bonding people.
In a short time the fantasy became reality. I felt, however, that something was missing. Using scarves and belts wasn't that satisfying. Playing with wax and having rough sex with the people I dated didn't tell everything about me.
Also I needed to talk to someone who had my same instincts, I needed confrontation. So I asked for advice from a friend who I knew had the same interests as me and she suggested that I join FetLife, a social network dedicated to BDSM that has nearly nine million members worldwide.
Here I discovered the existence of the Turin community, parties and bondage courses. It was 2014. In 2015 I started attending the bondage courses of those who are still my teachers today and from there I have never stopped.
What are the qualities that make a professional professional?
Unfortunately, there is no degree in BDSMology.
There are many people who improvise and it is easy to get noticed by talking about topics commonly considered bizarre. Personally I decided to study and prepare myself with the help of professionals (psychologists, sexologists, bondage teachers), since I deal with rather delicate issues.
As far as shibari is concerned, there are certifications only in relation to styles: if you want to use the title of instructor of a particular style you will have to pass an exam with the master who conceived or who carries out that technique.
The only way to get information on the reliability of courses, educators and educators is through your local community. However, there are elements that for me distinguish a professional: preparation, always continuing to study and updating, seriousness, carrying out one's business with competence and efficiency, clarity in communication.
> What kinds of people do you see getting closest to bondage?
It is not possible to draw a precise profile because bondage and BDSM in general is transversal, it crosses all ages, social classes, genders, a bit like sexuality, can affect anyone.
I can say, however, that most of my students are people between 25 and 40 (younger people are often interested but cannot afford continuous study due to the cost of the courses and materials, while older people are often busy with family or work and are unlikely to organize themselves).
> How do you see the maturation of the bondage community?
With the passing of the years there is an increasing awareness, fewer people improvise. For example, when I started practicing in private, or when I started being sexually active, I didn't even know that what I was doing, that is, immobilizing my partner, had a name.
Only many years later did I discover the existence of social networks, public events and courses.
It is now much easier to find courses, just an online search, and there is much more on offer. One has gone from practicing groping in the secret of one's own room to attending public events.
> How do you separate work from your personal life?
It is very difficult to separate work from private life in my case: most of my friends, like most of my students, are part of the BDSM community, of which I am one of the organizers here in Turin.
My partner is a kinkster, my partner and my best friends are my collaborators. Also, bonding is the thing I love most in the world so I would do it all the time, in and out of class. For my birthday at home we had a bondage performance by my students and most of my staff.
It happens to talk about work during a dinner as it happens to go out with my students after a course. Mine is an activity strictly linked to sexuality, community, personal sphere and personally I find strength in this, my social network is my greatest resource both in private life and in work.
It can be tiring at times, especially when most of the lessons were in my studio, which is in my and my partner's home. Now, just to try to have more space, more intimacy, I have moved most of my activities to school, a space shared with associations that deal with performing art, and I have established rules such as answering the phone only at certain times, don't always answer everyone immediately by interrupting what I'm doing, don't look at the phone while I'm at the gym or at dinner or if I'm out for the weekend.
They seem trivial things but when I started I was completely absorbed, I had to invent ways to disconnect a little.
> What is your favorite part of your job?
The part I love most is sharing my students' growth, seeing them progress, seeing how it impacts their lives, their relationships. Among my students there are couples who have small children.
For them, coming to class means taking the time dedicated to the couple, building a new intimacy, rediscovering themselves in a new complicity. A few days ago a student wrote to me: "I want to become a good rigger (rigger is the person who binds), you opened a world to me".
Another said to me: "I have to thank you so much for this community work in BDSM, I feel so much at home."
Awards like these give me confidence, they make me understand that I am going exactly in the direction I set myself at the beginning of all this: to allow people to approach BDSM and bondage in the safest way possible, using the tools to improve quality. of their relationships.
> What advice do you feel you can give to those who decide to approach this hobby?
Don't improvise.
You can try simple ligatures, on the wrists, on the ankles, but to do more structured things you need specific knowledge or you risk hurting. Rather instead of using tried-on ropes with bondage tape, or using other tools such as classic handcuffs, anklets, wrist bands, there are a lot of tools you can do bondage with besides ropes.
If, on the other hand, you like the idea of tying up, building a new communication through the ropes, you want to learn and get involved, then take courses and ask for references on the person you want to learn from.
Regardless of the instrument you choose, always remember that what you are doing is doing it for your own pleasure and that of others, the basis of BDSM is consent.
Never force anyone and never allow anyone to make you do things you don't want to do.
> Do you have any events or workshops in the next period?
We have TNG, The Next Generation, an informal meeting for people between 18 and 35 who are interested in BDSM, every fourth Friday of the month. In Turin I am the founder and organizer of this event.
For people aged 18 and over (without the limit of 35, therefore) there is the informal aperitif munch for people interested in BDSM, every second Wednesday of the month.
For those who want to attend sessions every last Friday of the month there is the Wish and Punishment party, in which I am a resident rigger, so it is possible to see me tied up, usually with my partner.
Private lessons with me are by appointment, so they don't have fixed dates, while the courses and other activities I organize in relation to bondage are always held on weekends.
In Turin we have a very busy schedule! To stay up to date or to find out which events are closest to the readers' cities, just contact me privately on Instagram or by email: alithiamaltese@gmail.com.
Thank you Alithia!
If you want to follow her on social networks, you can find her on instagram by name @alithiamaltese!
Why give up the pleasure of "food"? How can I do to "vary my dishes"?
Often it is not enough to open the refrigerator and let yourself be inspired, there are no ingredients necessary to shape the dough and obtain the desired results.
Just like in the kitchen, even in the life of a couple it is necessary to find the right balance of ingredients that makes cooking so much fun… as much as satisfying eating!
Important research highlights that 83% of Italians declare the need to have a satisfying sex life to live well, but in fact 40% of women and 32% of men confirm their dissatisfaction.
It seems there is only one element on which both sexes, especially after a certain age, are in agreement: the achievement of an erection in a very short time.
But let's ask ourselves now: would we pretend to eat a very good pizza cooked for a few seconds?
So here we are talking about the 10 basic ingredients necessary for the health and tranquility of a couple's life!
1. THE WEATHER
Overworked.
Stressed by racing for their children and various commitments.
It seems that time for the couple is never available.
But are we sure that you don't really find the time to turn off your mobile phones and sit comfortably to make room for conversations? Giving yourself time is important both to relax and to disconnect from the rest of the world and to return to smell the skin of the other to let yourself go ... the spare time is hardly satisfactory!
2. THE SENSE ORGANS
Leave room for the sense organs!
The pleasure given by the sight, between soft lights and a game of "I don't see" between the underwear, a good scent given by candles, aromas or simply the scent of your skin!
Listening and whispering words (sweet or strong depending on the emotional transport), the touch to feel every part that can excite you and finally the taste, through what most attracts you and makes you appetite, remember the famous advertisement "make love with the flavor "?
3. TRUST
Making it feel like you can trust each other is one of the basic ingredients.
Listening to each other and taking care of the other, letting go to find (and rediscover) excitement and desire.
4. EQUILIBRIUM
Have you ever thought about what is most exciting for you? Receive or give?
Hear what is important to both you and each other!
The stimuli must always be reciprocal on the constant equilibrium line.
Every initiative must be shared by the other! Balance is created when both let themselves be carried away and together choose the alternation of the moments they like best.
5. LISTEN
Are you sure what you like yourself? And what does the other like? Do we think it is enough to always go by trial and error? Are we waiting for signals from Mars? We can create a relationship that is based on confidence, on both verbal and physical dialogue because… yes, even the body speaks!
Why wait for the other to understand what I like when I can tell him about it or make him understand it with clear and defined signs? Studies confirm that the lack of dialogue is detrimental to couples and that neglect of communication is the preamble to the arrival of problems.
It is always believed that the other has to think about it, but we can't help him think about it?
6. EXPLORE THE HERO ZONES
Always straight to the goal? Many women declare that after a minute men are already catapulted straight to the point ... but what does it take to heat the situation?
Do I know all of mine and his erogenous zones? The term "erogenous" comes from the Greek "eros" meaning "love" and "genes" meaning "born".
So it literally means "that begets love".
Each of us has a variety of highly sensitive body parts which, when stimulated, can contribute to sexual arousal… be the explorer of your own body and partner's body!
7. USATE I SEX TOYS
As already discussed in this article, sex toys can help the couple to stimulate erogenous zones, increase intimacy and complicity, up to increasing the general intensity of intercourse.
If you have any doubts, simply live it as a real game to play together: a bit like when you awkwardly assemble furniture from Ikea: no one is a professional, yet we try and have fun!
Who said games are only for kids?
8. SCHEMES AND EXPECTATIONS
Having fixed patterns and rituals inevitably leads to monotony and everyday life.
Fantozzi's ballad said "alarm clock and coffee, beard and bidet, soon I'll miss the tram".
Having a good intimacy doesn't mean you have to clock the time!
Do you really need to always be perfectly shaved, made up, combed and neat to indulge in pampering? Do we have a fixed day? Is there really a pattern to follow?
Absolutely not!
The schemes are rigid and give the forecast of what we are going to do.
The scheme seems to give control of the situation and greater peace of mind but, if we think about it, the greatest pleasure comes when a situation is unexpected and not calculated.
Do not create any expectations and enjoy the moment together!
9. FANTASY
To get out of the mold and monotony, there is nothing better than to use a bit of imagination, play, and change perspective and positions if both of you can like it.
Often to understand what we like we must learn to experiment by letting ourselves go and trusting the other, what seemed uncomfortable and impractical can be pleasant and fun.
10. ZERO JUDGMENTS
In cooking recipes you will never find poison among the ingredients.
The judgment of the other's performance is like poison, not only for the couple, but for the person himself.
Commenting on the short duration of an erection, an oral performance different from your expectations or the failure to reach orgasm are such personal factors that they do not deserve any form of judgment.
Be understanding and offer help rather than just comment negatively. Remember, the couple presupposes the presence of two people and, even in dealing with seemingly problematic moments, it is essential to be two!
If you have difficulties, do not be afraid to turn to an expert rather than just passively observing what will happen in the future: it is important to talk about the problems and solve them together.
We have seen how all these ingredients can help you make your life as a couple more fulfilling, what else to add ... bon appetit !!!
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In recent years we have been clearing customs for the purchase and use of sex toys.
A little thanks to the famous trilogy of 50 Shades and a little thanks to a general change in society, talking about female pleasure and objects of pleasure is becoming easier and easier ... even if it still seems to be taboo for many.
In history, importance has always been given to sexuality and male "potency".
However, few know that these objects date back hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago.
The first dildo dates back to the Paleolithic era, approximately 28,000 years ago.
To give you a temporal dimension of the thing: if the invention of the first dildo dates back to 28,000 years ago, the invention of the wheel is instead 7,000 years ago. 21,000 years later.
The first dildo was found by some archaeologists in present-day Baden-Wuttemberg, a region of southern Germany and it is a stone object with a phallic shape that we can even define as "important": 19.2 centimeters by 2.8 centimeters wide. .
Here, of course, we have to take history with all the "maybe" given by time: was it perhaps a simple symbol of fertility? Was it a way to wish the family prosperity? Or was it actually an instrument of sexual pleasure?
Regardless of its use, it remains the oldest representation of a penis found today.
While female symbols are more frequent already in prehistoric times, male ones are very rare.
But where does the word "dildo" come from?
The dildo is a sexual object whose purpose is, by definition, to give pleasure.
In most cases it takes up the narrow and elongated shape of the penis shaft with an enlarged base that recalls the shape of the testicles.
The name, therefore, could derive from a sort of visual assonance from the word "Dill", which in ancient times meant "cucumber" in English.
The origin of the word is however very controversial.
Some even say that it could come from a distortion of the Italian word "delight", or even from a union of the terms "dil" and "doul" which in Old English meant "erect penis".
The last hypothesis is the most probable one, also having as reference an American ballad of the 1600s entitled "The waitress complains because she wants a dil doul".
The ballad goes on for another nine or ten stanzas, proving that carnal love has always been something serious and sought after, in spite of today's moralists who want us to believe that sexuality is a modern desire.
In Ancient Greece, women entertained themselves with the olisbos, from the Greek "olisbein" meaning "to slip in, slide inside": an artificial phallus of about 15 centimeters, made of bronze or wood and covered with leather.
Obviously they did not have modern lubricants, but the sources speak of olive oil used for the same purpose.
Clearly the Greeks, as evidenced by the numerous archaeological finds, had a sexual life that we can deepen and know more and for which the use of sex toys is not strange.
I tell you more: they were a frequent gift in couples. It was not uncommon for men to give away olisbos, the dildo of ancient Greece, to their wives as a substitute for sex during their absence, especially in times of war.
Most of the men served in the military or were engaged in wars: the gift of a dildo was therefore also a stratagem to prevent wives from "hunting" for other partners or lovers.
They were rather widespread objects, not only by the wealthy classes, but throughout the population, men and women alike. Mentioned in the comedies of the time as objects present in every home, representations of dildos and other sexual games made a fine show of themselves on tableware and everyday objects.
Traces of this custom can be found in a comedy entitled "Lists "e fu written by Aristophanes, a Greek poet born in 450 BC.
In practice, it is the story of Lysistrata, a young and beautiful woman from Athens, who got tired of having her husband enlisted (at the time the Peloponnesian war was raging between Athens and Sparta) and then decides to make an alliance between all women .
He proposes that they all go on a sex strike together to force their husbands to sign the peace and return home permanently. We do not reveal how the story ends, but it is evident that women opposed the war not only for a matter of peace ... but also because they could not do without sex!
"Since the Milesi betrayed us, I haven't even seen that eight-fingered leather toy that gave me rest."says one, a sign that the embargo that every war has always brought with it, made us feel the shortage of even non-essential goods.
Hippocrates himself, the first doctor in history enrolled in the Order, prescribed to women unable to have sexual intercourse, the constant use of a dildo as a means of preventing major ailments, first of all hysteria, which arises when a uterus is too dry. because deprived of the natural lubrication generated by pleasure, he runs away in his head, driving her crazy.
Indeed, returning to the field of legend, it is said that in ancient Egypt Queen Cleopatra was the first in history to invent and use a vibrator: an empty gourd filled with buzzing bees.
The insects, finding themselves in a tight space, became frenzied, causing the involuntary "vibration" of the tube.
In China, however, more than an instrument of pleasure it is said that it was used as a "means of control" for the harems of high-ranking men.
Having too many wives, the man could not satisfy them all in one day.
Sex toys, therefore, were given away by husbands to prevent them from falling into temptation with other men or even starting to show interest of a sexual nature between them.
The Chinese, who knew a lot, had even thought about practicality and ease of use, inventing them one with built-in handle.
Even traditional Chinese medicine indicated masturbation as a harmless practice for women, but harmful for men as it was believed that, together with the semen, vital energy was dispersed.
In other countries, such as Persia and India, variants of sex toys were instead used to break the hymen before the first marriage to prevent the blood, considered impure, from dirtying the husband.
The dildos definitely returned to vogue with the Renaissance, starting from the sixteenth century. If the shapes remained almost unchanged, as indeed the anatomical part from which they drew inspiration, the materials instead began to evolve: from cold stone, we move on to wood covered with rags, leather or other resistant material, such as the hair of horse manes.
For a long time the dildos were also made of ceramic and glass: very often they were hollow, with a cap at the bottom, so that they could be filled with hot water and thus be more comfortable and exciting.
Approaching the modern era, in the eighteenth century the vibrator was born as a therapeutic tool for the treatment of hysteria.
A strictly female pathology, the word "Hystéra" itself means "uterus", characterized by a series of symptoms ranging from chronic anxiety to abdominal heaviness, irritability, amnesia.
Other cures for hysteria were the use of opium or even marriage: then presupposing frequent and intense sexual activity.
Another treatment proposed by the doctors was the "pelvic massage": one session could calm the hysteria for days.
Clearly, the excessive demand on the part of women of the time combined with the time required for the practice required an excessive commitment on the part of medical professionals and that is why they tried to introduce an instrument capable of replacing the manual pelvic massage: the Tremoussoir.
Invented in France in 1734, the Treumossoir operated with a spring mechanism and was the first vibrating phallic object designed for external stimulation.
A further technical innovation came in 1883, by M. Granville, who invented the electromagnetic vibrator, but we will have to wait until 1899 for the invention of the first battery-operated vibrator.
But the turning point came in 1902.
1902 was the year that the Hamilton Beach company began advertising the battery-powered stimulator as any household appliance and a woman could purchase it for her own health.
The US TV series thinks once and for all to definitively clear sex toys in the popular imagination Sex and the City: in the 1998 with the appearance of a bunny-shaped vibrator, the famous rabbit! The unusual shape stemmed from the fact that in Japan, where it was created in 1983, it was forbidden to produce objects that looked like a penis.
The latest "gimmick" was the collector's box for Rammstein's album "Liebe ist Fuer Alle Da" which contained not only the band's album, but also dildos modeled after the band's penises.
Definitely a must have for any true or true Rammstein fan.
There are no longer any limits for materials: silicone remains the great discovery of the nineties, thanks to the fact that it can guarantee maximum hygiene and sterilization by simply boiling the object. But dildos in every material are now widespread: from surgical metal for those allergic to silicone or latex, to borosilicate glass (to be clear, that of kitchen pyrex, which allows you to boil or wash them in a dishwasher without worries), up to a return to the first materials such as wood and stone for lovers of eco-friendly materials.
Sex toys are therefore objects with an ancient origin, used in many eras and in many countries.
This should give us the peace of mind to experience them as an inheritance received from the past and to be preserved for the future.
Try to imagine the same gesture and the same feelings in the past, present and future.
In short, the pursuit of pleasure has always been there: a real constant in the history of man ... and woman.
The history of sex toys, therefore, crosses human history.
By re-proposing rituals that unite the needs of the people of tens of thousands of years ago with ours and, reminding us that, while changing our daily activities, we always remain the same: human.
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Article written in collaboration with L'Ora di Storia that you can find on youtube at this link: https://bit.ly/36q43hR
The Hour of History is a project of a bunch of friends who want to have fun and have fun by chatting about the great events of history. 🏛️📖📚 🔔
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"How do I tell her I would like to try some sex toys? "
"If I tell my partner that I would like to try a sex toy, will he think he has something wrong?"
"And what if he tells me I'm a pervert?"
"I'm ashamed to talk about it ..."
If you too, at least once in your life, have perceived doubts and perplexities of this type, know that you are perfectly normal!
The first rule that we all need to focus on is that PLEASURE IS A RIGHT!
Yes, sexual pleasure and satisfaction are an integral part of psychosexual well-being, a matter of physical and mental health that must be recognized in its multidimensionality.
Whoever calls you a pervert may not yet know the subject of sexual pleasure and how to achieve it in depth, just think that to be perversion it should first imply damage to oneself and / or to others (but we will deal with this in other articles).
Many people are still convinced that the use of sex toys by the partner is related to a lack of performance that generates dissatisfaction.
Others live in fear of being replaced by sex toys.
Still others fear that they will no longer be able to satisfy their partner without these "games".
Let's tear down a great wall: these beliefs are groundless and do you know why? Studies show that couples who use sex toys not only maintain higher levels of desire, but find their relationship more intimate, satisfying and solid.
Yes, the relationship is strengthened because the couple chooses together to share the opportunity to feel pleasure together and let themselves go to the other.
Established that the use of sex toys in the couple it is more than positive and satisfying, so how can I try to talk about it?
I first must be ready
I have to feel adequate, ready to express my wish to share with my partner (I am calm because there is nothing wrong and I am doing the right thing).
Choose the moment
It is important to know how to choose the right moment to talk about it (better in a neutral situation and not during the relationship) and to have time to freely exchange opinions or why not, read this article together !!!
Indulge in emotions
It is essential to let yourself go to your emotions, no matter if you blush, laugh or tremble, say openly what you feel even if you are afraid of the possible reaction (sharing of emotions plays a fundamental role)
Share curiosity
It is not necessary to demonstrate that you have clear ideas about what you would like to try, let the curiosity be shared first and maybe scroll through the pages of the site together to see which "game" could be more suitable for your couple.
Always speak in the plural, in the couple you are two and the pleasure must involve both; express what intrigues you, what are the points you would like to know and tickle together (do not assume that the other is aware of it or that he can intuit it independently)
Be empathetic and accept that you can postpone the conversation
Accept with serenity if your partner does not feel ready or is not interested, maybe it just takes a little time to find more intimacy and open a good free dialogue. Always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand any difficulties.
Remember that sex toys must add fun to the relationship e non stress!
Are you wondering if anyone did it?
"We have chosen a sex toys together. Our sex is fun, we can relax and feel good together without fear of our performance. We can't wait to try others too "
"No more performance anxieties ... now it's a game not an exam"
"I took courage and told her what I was feeling. We have chosen them together. It was as good as the first time "
And you? Are you ready for your "first time"?
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Article of
Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".
She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.
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THE FAST SUCCESS
The subsequent popularity of the miniskirt is also due to other designers and the media who facilitated its rise not only in everyday wear, but also in elite fashion.
Standard bearer of this garment was without any doubt Twiggy, a skinny teenage model, who became a symbol of the young avant-gardists who tore apart the idea of a curvy woman and mother. Twiggy helped make the mini-skirt the undisputed trend of the moment.
In the 1970s la miniskirt again became the subject of criticism, but this time by the same feminist movement. In fact, it went from a symbol of freedom and emancipation to being considered a garment still linked to the idea of the "woman object".
THE MINI SKIRT TODAY
However, despite the criticisms, the success of this garment did not seem to wane. We review it in the 80s in version "rah rah skirt", a more comfortable and opaque skirt, no longer adherent as in the first years of its birth.
The 90's they were instead the period in which skirts returned to be included in the fashion collections. Let's talk about Yves Saint Laurent, Karl Lagerfeld, Gianni Versace. There were so many houses which helped to make it back in vogue.
Even today the miniskirt has not yet left the scene.
It remains a legend in all its variations: in leather, lace, jersey or jeans. IS also become a must have to the point that in 2015 a real world day of the miniskirt was established, which falls every 6 June. Rachid Ben Othman, president of the League in defense of Laicity and Freedom, and the feminist activist Najet Bayoudh wanted her, in protest against a discriminatory act against an Algerian student, who had been prevented from taking an exam for her skirt deemed too short.
Today every woman has the right and the freedom to wear it whenever she wants and on any occasion.
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