10 Ingredients for life as a couple
Why give up the pleasure of "food"? How can I do to "vary my dishes"?
Often it is not enough to open the refrigerator and let yourself be inspired, there are no ingredients necessary to shape the dough and obtain the desired results.
Just like in the kitchen, even in the life of a couple it is necessary to find the right balance of ingredients that makes cooking so much fun… as much as satisfying eating!
Important research highlights that 83% of Italians declare the need to have a satisfying sex life to live well, but in fact 40% of women and 32% of men confirm their dissatisfaction.
It seems there is only one element on which both sexes, especially after a certain age, are in agreement: the achievement of an erection in a very short time.
But let's ask ourselves now: would we pretend to eat a very good pizza cooked for a few seconds?
So here we are talking about the 10 basic ingredients necessary for the health and tranquility of a couple's life!
1. THE WEATHER
Stressed by racing for their children and various commitments.
It seems that time for the couple is never available.
But are we sure that you don't really find the time to turn off your mobile phones and sit comfortably to make room for conversations? Giving yourself time is important both to relax and to disconnect from the rest of the world and to return to smell the skin of the other to let yourself go ... the spare time is hardly satisfactory!
2. THE SENSE ORGANS
Leave room for the sense organs!
The pleasure given by the sight, between soft lights and a game of "I don't see" between the underwear, a good scent given by candles, aromas or simply the scent of your skin!
Listening and whispering words (sweet or strong depending on the emotional transport), the touch to feel every part that can excite you and finally the taste, through what most attracts you and makes you appetite, remember the famous advertisement "make love with the flavor "?
Making it feel like you can trust each other is one of the basic ingredients.
Listening to each other and taking care of the other, letting go to find (and rediscover) excitement and desire.
Have you ever thought about what is most exciting for you? Receive or give?
Hear what is important to both you and each other!
The stimuli must always be reciprocal on the constant equilibrium line.
Every initiative must be shared by the other! Balance is created when both let themselves be carried away and together choose the alternation of the moments they like best.
Are you sure what you like yourself? And what does the other like? Do we think it is enough to always go by trial and error? Are we waiting for signals from Mars? We can create a relationship that is based on confidence, on both verbal and physical dialogue because… yes, even the body speaks!
Why wait for the other to understand what I like when I can tell him about it or make him understand it with clear and defined signs? Studies confirm that the lack of dialogue is detrimental to couples and that neglect of communication is the preamble to the arrival of problems.
It is always believed that the other has to think about it, but we can't help him think about it?
6. EXPLORE THE HERO ZONES
Always straight to the goal? Many women declare that after a minute men are already catapulted straight to the point ... but what does it take to heat the situation?
Do I know all of mine and his erogenous zones? The term "erogenous" comes from the Greek "eros" meaning "love" and "genes" meaning "born".
So it literally means "that begets love".
Each of us has a variety of highly sensitive body parts which, when stimulated, can contribute to sexual arousal… be the explorer of your own body and partner's body!
7. USATE I SEX TOYS
As already discussed in this article, sex toys can help the couple to stimulate erogenous zones, increase intimacy and complicity, up to increasing the general intensity of intercourse.
If you have any doubts, simply live it as a real game to play together: a bit like when you awkwardly assemble furniture from Ikea: no one is a professional, yet we try and have fun!
Who said games are only for kids?
8. SCHEMES AND EXPECTATIONS
Having fixed patterns and rituals inevitably leads to monotony and everyday life.
Fantozzi's ballad said "alarm clock and coffee, beard and bidet, soon I'll miss the tram".
Having a good intimacy doesn't mean you have to clock the time!
Do you really need to always be perfectly shaved, made up, combed and neat to indulge in pampering? Do we have a fixed day? Is there really a pattern to follow?
The schemes are rigid and give the forecast of what we are going to do.
The scheme seems to give control of the situation and greater peace of mind but, if we think about it, the greatest pleasure comes when a situation is unexpected and not calculated.
Do not create any expectations and enjoy the moment together!
To get out of the mold and monotony, there is nothing better than to use a bit of imagination, play, and change perspective and positions if both of you can like it.
Often to understand what we like we must learn to experiment by letting ourselves go and trusting the other, what seemed uncomfortable and impractical can be pleasant and fun.
10. ZERO JUDGMENTS
In cooking recipes you will never find poison among the ingredients.
The judgment of the other's performance is like poison, not only for the couple, but for the person himself.
Commenting on the short duration of an erection, an oral performance different from your expectations or the failure to reach orgasm are such personal factors that they do not deserve any form of judgment.
Be understanding and offer help rather than just comment negatively. Remember, the couple presupposes the presence of two people and, even in dealing with seemingly problematic moments, it is essential to be two!
If you have difficulties, do not be afraid to turn to an expert rather than just passively observing what will happen in the future: it is important to talk about the problems and solve them together.
We have seen how all these ingredients can help you make your life as a couple more fulfilling, what else to add ... bon appetit !!!
Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".
She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.