Talking about Sex Toys in Couples: some suggestions

"How do I tell her I would like to try some sex toys? "
"If I tell my partner that I would like to try a sex toy, will he think he has something wrong?"
"And what if he tells me I'm a pervert?"
"I'm ashamed to talk about it ..."

If you too, at least once in your life, have perceived doubts and perplexities of this type, know that you are perfectly normal!

The first rule that we all need to focus on is that PLEASURE IS A RIGHT!

Yes, sexual pleasure and satisfaction are an integral part of psychosexual well-being, a matter of physical and mental health that must be recognized in its multidimensionality.

Whoever calls you a pervert may not yet know the subject of sexual pleasure and how to achieve it in depth, just think that to be perversion it should first imply damage to oneself and / or to others (but we will deal with this in other articles).

Many people are still convinced that the use of sex toys by the partner is related to a lack of performance that generates dissatisfaction.

Others live in fear of being replaced by sex toys.

Still others fear that they will no longer be able to satisfy their partner without these "games".

Let's tear down a great wall: these beliefs are groundless and do you know why? Studies show that couples who use sex toys not only maintain higher levels of desire, but find their relationship more intimate, satisfying and solid.

Yes, the relationship is strengthened because the couple chooses together to share the opportunity to feel pleasure together and let themselves go to the other.



Established that the use of sex toys in the couple it is more than positive and satisfying, so how can I try to talk about it?

• I first must be ready

I have to feel adequate, ready to express my wish to share with my partner (I am calm because there is nothing wrong and I am doing the right thing).

• Choose the moment

It is important to know how to choose the right moment to talk about it (better in a neutral situation and not during the relationship) and to have time to freely exchange opinions or why not, read this article together !!!

• Indulge in emotions

It is essential to let yourself go to your emotions, no matter if you blush, laugh or tremble, say openly what you feel even if you are afraid of the possible reaction (sharing of emotions plays a fundamental role)

• Share curiosity

It is not necessary to demonstrate that you have clear ideas about what you would like to try, let the curiosity be shared first and maybe scroll through the pages of the site together to see which "game" could be more suitable for your couple.

Always speak in the plural, in the couple you are two and the pleasure must involve both; express what intrigues you, what are the points you would like to know and tickle together (do not assume that the other is aware of it or that he can intuit it independently)

• Be empathetic and accept that you can postpone the conversation

Accept with serenity if your partner does not feel ready or is not interested, maybe it just takes a little time to find more intimacy and open a good free dialogue. Always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand any difficulties.

Remember that sex toys must add fun to the relationship e non stress!

Are you wondering if anyone did it?

"We have chosen a sex toys together. Our sex is fun, we can relax and feel good together without fear of our performance. We can't wait to try others too "

"No more performance anxieties ... now it's a game not an exam"

"I took courage and told her what I was feeling. We have chosen them together. It was as good as the first time "

And you? Are you ready for your "first time"?


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Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".

She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.