Sex Toys as a way to get to know your body
Among the most frequently asked questions I receive there is certainly the request to learn more about one's pleasure, where it comes from and how to increase it.
To all of them I answer unequivocally "to find out what pleasure is and where it comes from, you must first learn about your body and understand how it works".
Magic wand or take time for yourself?
Have you ever heard how your body reacts to certain stimuli?
Light, smells, tastes, memories and fantasies are all stimuli capable of activating as many as 30 areas of our brain!
The body, in fact, during arousal, "moves" through an increase in heart and respiratory rate, signals that arrive from the nerve endings of the genital areas, hormones and chemicals produced that act as real natural stress relievers and antidepressants ... in few words this relaxation is the basis of sexuality and our well-being.
Do you know that sex toys also represent a variable capable of offering stimuli to our brain?
I'll tell you about the specific case of a woman looking for new stimuli.
When A.P. she was just 38 years old and had a sex life that she defined as "flat and monotonous": she saw in her partner more a friendship, sex was rare, without attraction and she paid no attention to herself.
Our first long chat centered around a few questions: What do you love about yourself? What stimuli give you well-being? How does your body react?
The answer was always the same "I DON'T KNOW" !!!
A.P. he spent a week reflecting, thinking, looking in the mirror and, remembering all the things said in our meeting and took courage.
At the next meeting he told me the phrase "I want to know myself, I want to know who I am".
Basically he thought "I want to love myself"!
Together we tried to reflect on his lived experiences, on his needs, on his pleasure, giving importance to details and in this way, every inch finally took shape and life. Each stimulus acquired a particular meaning.
A.P. only after having listened and understood her own body did she feel the need to try to let go, together we explored the possibilities of alternative stimuli to hands, memories and fantasies.
We chose a sex toy capable of stimulating the external erogenous zones, thought of as an excellent starting point.
He took some time to trust himself and to explore that "intimate space" in which to give himself pleasure.
A.P. he came back to tell me that he had experienced incredible sensations, perhaps lost or perhaps never experienced, locked in an ideological cage, in the belief that, at 38, he could not still have something new to discover.
She understood how to relax and felt that gradualness that came from nowhere and slowly the pleasure grow inside her. An involvement of mind and body perfectly in tune with each other and what mattered most was knowing how to recognize and control this whole process.
Finally A.P. she was in full control of herself and her intimacy.
I met A.P. subsequently only for a couple of meetings and, the next step would have been to try to bring that level of intimacy even within the couple's life. The result was almost immediate thanks to the ability of A.P. to tell herself, to let herself go to her partner just as she was able to do with herself.
They found an unparalleled understanding: a healthy balance made up of gestures, words and desires.
Today they live their relationship peacefully and, each time, a message from theirs reconfirms the happiness they have found!
Experiences like that of A.P. testify to the undoubted use of sex toys as an aid to psycho-physical well-being, often even for therapeutic purposes!
A true ally both in autonomy and in the couple.
Don't be afraid to love yourself, sexual health starts with yourself first!
Maura Montagnini, born in 1979, is a psychosexologist working in the Brescia area.
Graduated in Psychology in 2004 with a thesis entitled "The boundaries of the body image" and with a Master in Psychosexology in 2020 with a thesis entitled "Voyeurism: a journey through history, theories and representations".
She deals with well-being in couples and with investigating how sexuality is often a mirror of impulses and desires coming from life outside the sheets.